my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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