My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
