My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
