i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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