I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize