tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
