In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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