Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
