worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
