Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
