Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
