How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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