the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she smelled like a LAN party
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
