My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I need a beard to bite.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize