did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
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