bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
