I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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