You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
