I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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