i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
