i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
