So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
