"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
