Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
