If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
