Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
