whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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