How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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