I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
