Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
