he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
