Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
