the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
