Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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