Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
