I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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