Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Randomize
