Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
