Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
