well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
