Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Porn is love you can see.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
