Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
