they need to just BURY HIM!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
