You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
