dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
