I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
