those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
