Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
