According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
