I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
