It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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