My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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