I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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