you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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