every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
