Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
