? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
