So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
