its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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