i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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