Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
