So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
