lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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