he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
