So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
