Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
